


Where I Stood

by Kethys



Category: Fruits Basket
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-07
Updated: 2014-06-07
Packaged: 2018-02-03 18:59:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1754683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kethys/pseuds/Kethys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hatori reflects on his relationship with Shigure and having to give him up to another.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where I Stood

_I don't know what I've done,_  
Or if I like what I've begun;  
But something told me to run,  
And honey, you know me, it's all or none. 

 

At first it was sweet: A soft kiss, a little teasing, a lot of flirting. Before I knew it, the snowball effect had begun. I didn't know what I was getting into or if I wanted this... But that look in your eyes said it all. You woke the love that slept at the bottom of my heart. After Kana, I had hoped that the demon would stay buried. Love is a fickle thing - a more dangerous weapon than a gun and a more lethal poison than anthrax.

 

The lights were off as we stumbled into your place, nearly breaking the door in the process. You barely let me say a word, your lips hot against mine. Somehow your hands snaked around, untying my yukata, exposing me. The cold air nipped at my skin, sending shivers through my body and making my hair stand up.

The warmth of your lips cured the chill. They traced soft patterns around my body, working over my neck, my jaw. You were careful with me, like you were careful with her. As we collapsed onto the floor I watched as you stripped yourself of your yukata and leaned down to kiss me. I could smell the sake on your breath, fiery and hot.

I shuddered against you as your mouth moved down my neck, leaving a burning trail of passion. Arching up as you licked at my nipples, my breath rose and fell with each cautious lick. Your talented tongue dipped into my navel, around my hips and back again. You were the only one who could evoke such compromising sounds from me. Not even Kana…

As the night wore on, our moans and shuddering breaths echoed around the vacant house. The floor shook beneath us, dishes rattling in their racks, creatures of the night scurrying. My cock continued to fill you as you lay there breathless, hair plastered against your face. I could feel your body trembling and I wondered if she was ever this gentle with you. Judging by the bruises and cuts that brandished your body I thought not.

I could feel you were close by the way your ass clenched around me, almost tipping me over the edge. I thrust harder into you, wanting to fill you, needing to feel you. Your moans rang in my ears, each one just as loud as the last.

"Hatori please... Please!"

I could hardly keep myself in check after that. I slid my hand down onto your glistening cock and began to stroke. Slow at first, teasing you until all sorts of profanities fell from your lips. I continued to fuck you, to stroke you, to moan out your name for everyone to hear. My seed filled up inside of you all too quickly, your cock exploded in my hand leaving a sticky mess everywhere.  
"Shigure!"

 

_There was sounds in my head._  
Little voices whispering.  
But I should go and this should end,  
Oh and I found myself listening. 

 

I watched your chest rise and fall, your eyes fluttering behind closed lids. You looked peaceful as you slept. The angry red marks on your neck glared up at me. I was selfish and foolish. She was going to find out and I did it just to spite her.

I gathered my clothes and tugged them on as quickly and as quietly as I could as not to wake you. The sun was barely rising. I was nearly at my car when I heard you speak behind me. My body froze, my hands clenching my keys.

"Hatori... Are you leaving so early? The sun is barely up."

I was unable to escape you and that look you gave me. The look that said I'd regret leaving kept me rooted. The voices inside my head screamed; their thunderous cries giving me a headache. This was wrong from the very beginning. I thought I could protect you from her, that this was the answer.  
"Come back inside. I'll fix you up some tea."

You turned from me and walked back into the house, back into the memories. You weren't going to let me forget, you weren't going to admit that this was a mistake. I was torn between two paths. The right path and the wrong path. It should have been an easy choice... But I followed you back into that house, back into those memories.

 

_'Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you,_  
All I know is that I should.  
And I don't know if I can stand, another hand upon you,  
All I know is that I should.  
'Cause she will love you more than I could,  
And she who dares to stand where I stood. 

 

It was bad this time, worse than it had ever been before. I could feel Akito's eyes burning a hole in the back of my head as I surveyed your bruised and beaten body.  
"He'll have to be more careful next time. Shigure can be clumsy at the best of times."

She turned and walked away, a small smirk dancing on her lips. Your eyes were dark and distant and we both knew the truth. The bruises were black and stung to the touch. I kept silent, unsure of what to say to you. I knew she hurt you all the much more because of me, because of my jealousy.

"Does it hurt here?"

I pressed against a particularly nasty bruise on your hip and you all but jerked away. There was pain etched in your eyes. It was hard to tell where it came from.  
"Don't think about it Ha-San. Don't you ever think about it."

You didn't want to blame me. You didn't want me to feel guilt... But I felt full of shame. The best I could do was tend to your bruises, tend to your cuts, and tend to your feelings. I had hurt you so much more than she had. We both knew it, but only one of us was willing to admit it.

 

_See, I thought love was black and white._  
That is wrong or it was right.  
But you ain't leaving without a fight,  
And I think I am just as torn inside. 

 

The second time it happened I was more prepared. Your attempts to seduce me were fruitless as I once again shoved you away.  
"Shigure, just listen to me!"

I didn't like to raise my voice but it seemed nothing would get through to you. You instantly fell silent and stopped fiddling with my coat. You had that distant look in your eyes again. It was hard to keep my composure. I wanted nothing more than to grab you and pull you into my arms and tell you things would be okay... That she would never hurt you again.

"Hatori... If this is about-"

Seeing no other way out I crashed my lips into yours, kissing you with such bruising force. You tasted like green tea, bitter and sweet at the same time. I didn't want to think, I didn't want to breathe. I just wanted to be lost in you, to forget that our love was not tipped in my favour. I had no control over myself any more and you went along willingly.

I undressed you slowly, wanting to savour what could very well be our last moments together. Your body was beautiful beneath the scars and bruises. I racked my hands over your rough skin and your body trembled underneath my ministrations.

Your eyes pierced into my own, your silent pleas to fuck you evident and written across your face. It was enough for me. I undressed myself and hovered over you. Your hand reached up to stroke my face, to caress me with such gentleness.

I slid into your easier this time, less clumsy than the first. You were so hot and warm and I could feel every inch of you just by being inside of you. Beneath me you were moaning and clawing at the skin on my back.

"Hatori! Hatori!"

Over and over again you moaned my name as I rocked my hips against you, driving my cock deeper inside of you. I could barely think. It was as if my body was moving all on its own. The selfish demon within myself was once again taking over as I pounded into you harder and deeper than the last.

You threw you head back in a fit of passion and emptied yourself against your chest. You didn't even need my help that time and I followed suit shortly after. I collapsed on top of you, breathing heavily and sporadically.

"I can't do this any more Shigure..."

You pulled away and looked up at me, your eyes dark and knowing. It was hard to hold my gaze but I had to persevere. I could not let my guard down. I could not continue on.  
"After everything I did for you! After all I went through just to be with you! You're an entirely selfish being!"

I knew you didn't mean the things you were saying. You were desperate and would try anything to get me to stay. I wasn't prepared to lose that fight with you. I had to walk away, and I had to do now.

 

_'Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you,_  
All I know is that I should.  
And I don't know if I can stand, another hand upon you,  
All I know is that I should  
'Cause she will love you more than I could,  
And she who dares to stand where I stood. 

 

I knew I would have to face her eventually. I knew more than that that she would be angry, more angry than any of us had seen her. She paced in front of me, Kureno sitting peacefully on her finger.  
"You betrayed me, Hatori, in a way I never thought possible for you. Have you forgotten your place already?"

I was terrified of her, but I wasn't about to let her see that. I did the only thing I could. I sat there, just sat and listened.

"I think you forget what your job is. I think you forget that you are here to serve me, not Shigure!"

Her voice was rising with each angry pace she took. Her body turned, Kureno fled the scene, and I could tell the storm was about to hit.

"I have been nothing but fair to you Hatori! This is how you repay me? You are not the Sohma slut! You have no business with Shigure!"

I could barely think as she lunged and her fingernails, like claws, began attacking me. It was too late by the time Shigure and Ayame pulled her off of me. Blood dripped down into my open palms, but I could barely see what was happening.

 

_And I won't be far from where you are,_  
If ever you should call.  
You meant more to me than anyone I have ever loved at all.  
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you,  
This is what I have to do. 

 

I let my hair grow longer over time. I think it was that moment in time when you finally understood that not everything can be what we want it to be. I stood in front of the Sohma family, ashamed and guilty as charged. You stood beside her, your hand barely clutching hers.

She had that pleased look on her face, smug and cavalier. I bowed my head submissively as their grave and benevolence eyes watched me.

It was then that you understood in order to help me, this was how things would have to be. There was no more us. She now stood where I once stood.

 

_'Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you,_  
All I know is that I should.  
And I don't know if I can stand, another hand upon you,  
All I know is that I should.  
'Cause she will love you more than I could,  
And she who dares to stand where I stood.  
She who dares to stand where I stood. 

 

As the seasons changed and the snow melted so did the ache of missing you. I still thought of you often and it was hard not to lean over and kiss those plush lips every time you laughed. But now all that was left was a dull pain every time I thought about us and where we could have been now.

Where I once stood beside you, there is another willing to take my place. Willing to love you enough to fight for you. And even though I loved you just as much, I could not stand the very thought of losing you forever.

At least this way, without you by my side, I can still see your smile and know that you'll continue on smiling. That the ache in your own heart may someday subside.


End file.
